


i want to complicate you (don’t let me do this to myself)

by thegoodyouth



Series: merlin hp [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fourth Year AU, M/M, fluff???? whomst ?, there is some hp shit in there that’s not canon compliant btw, tw internalised homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 18:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13059687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoodyouth/pseuds/thegoodyouth
Summary: Arthur struggles with his feelings for Merlin.





	i want to complicate you (don’t let me do this to myself)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lowfuellight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowfuellight/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Amy!!! This fic was inspired by our long discussions about Merlin & by the fact that you’re one of the best people in the world (easily one of the really few people that I explicitly trust).
> 
> Thanks to Lucinda for memeing- I mean, betaing. But also memeing. Thank you for convincing me not to die while writing this.
> 
> Title from ‘Far Too Young To Die’ by Panic! At The Disco. It’s the ultimate Merthur song.

At some point, Arthur had to admit he was trying too hard. “Elyan,” he murmured, keeping an eye out for any eavesdroppers. “You’ve gotta help me, man.” He looked terribly stressed, and just then, Elyan couldn’t keep a straight face to save his life.

“Arthur, why are you being so secretive?” He asked, looking mildly amused. It wasn’t as if this was the first time the fourth year had asked him to take part in a scheme of his, but it was the first time he looked so worried. “...Is this about Merlin?” Elyan asked, suddenly serious. “Are you finally going to ask him out?”

“That’s not...what this is,” he said, gritting his teeth.

There it was again. After spending two years on a campaign of hatred for Merlin, the Gryffindor simply refused to acknowledge that he felt anything else for him. It was more than that, even, considering how much grief the two had given each other. Most of their friends were of the opinion that they were being silly, and that Merlin was the smarter of the two.

Arthur would never admit it, but he thought so, too.

“He’s a Slytherin, I’m in Gryffindor,” Arthur finally replied, gesturing to indicate the red in his robes. It was a bad excuse, and he knew it, but Hogwarts would have to burn down before he would agree with anyone on this issue. It was simply just not in the cards for him.

Elyan was frowning, causing his eyebrows to wrinkle. “I’ve never known you to go for that type of thinking,” he said. It was true; after all, Arthur may be a Pendragon, but he was adamant to be anything but like the old lineage. “You’re not even a Slytherin, man,” said Elyan, cuffing his friend on the shoulder.

“That’s exactly my point,” replied Arthur, in a monotone. “Besides, not all the Pendragons were Slytherins,” he frowned, matching expressions with the other Gryffindor. “Father was in Ravenclaw.” He said it with pride dripping from his lips, but anyone that was well-acquainted with Arthur, knew that he didn’t consider this an achievement. He had been resentful of his father, for as long as anyone could remember, for placing such a heavy burden of expectations on his shoulders at such a young age. At the same time, however, he would do anything to impress the old man.

“You’re deflecting again,” Elyan finally said, after a long silence. “Merlin, remember?” He looked like he was two seconds away from getting up and shaking some sense back into his friend. Arthur narrowed his eyes at him, regretting ever coming to him for help. It was almost like the “dig your own grave” saying was coming full circle.

“He got made a Hospital Wing Assistant, I think that’s an important thing to celebrate,” Arthur said, sighing deeply, inwardly cursing Elyan for not understanding everything right off the beat. This was happening more and more with all of their friends. Every time Arthur mentioned Merlin in a private setting, eyebrows would rise and smirks would magically appear. Arthur was certain they were all using a secret potion that made them all way too happy about it, and he planned to nick some for himself. “Maybe a party and presents would fit the theme.”

Doing his best to keep from laughing, Elyan coughed once before clearing his throat. “Alright, mate, if that’s all it is,” he side-eyed Arthur, who looked away in annoyance. “I’ll let Gwen and Lancelot know, and I’ll start planning something with them,” he finished with a grin. It was always so much fun to tease Arthur.

*

Arthur hadn’t meant to run into Merlin, but the universe apparently had other plans. He watched the Slytherin talking animatedly to Morgana, and he found himself staring. He knew there was a hint of truth to what their friends were constantly trying to get him to believe, but Arthur had never been self-confident in anything but his abilities at magic.

“Hey, Arthur!” The voice was closer than he had expected, and it startled Arthur out of his thoughts. Merlin was standing in front of him, with Morgana smirking next to him. Thankfully, Merlin was blissfully ignorant to the situation. 

“Don’t know if I’ve said this, mate, but congrats,” said Arthur, before anyone could say anything else - mainly about his feelings for Merlin. “You deserve it, Merlin,” he said warmly, a smile automatically spreading across his face as he looked at the boy in front of him. It was almost as if the Slytherin had been made Prefect, and Arthur had to remind himself there was still a whole year to go before then.

Merlin’s answering smile was dazzling, leaving Arthur momentarily speechless. “Thanks,” came Merlin’s reply, as he adjusted his robes casually. There was something about his posture that had Arthur on high alert, and he felt a sudden urge to touch. It shocked the Gryffindor to the core, and he quickly averted his eyes, looking for an excuse to leave the premises as soon as possible. 

“I think Gwen’s looking for me,” he nodded at the two Slytherins, before making his quick escape. He really needed to do something about his feelings before it all came bursting out, and ruined everything.

Lucky for Arthur, Gwen found him before he had to go looking for her.

She was mildly amused, almost as if she was holding onto a secret Arthur wasn’t privy to. “I heard you’re planning a party for your- I mean, for Merlin,” she smirked as Arthur’s face flushed with colour. He started stuttering, endeavouring to repeat what he’d said to Elyan, but the words got lost on their way up.

Gwen waved him away. “It’s okay, I’m not teasing,” she chuckled, pulling out a piece of parchment from somewhere in her robes. He had never figured out how and where she stashed her things away, but he needed to get that spell off of her. Dragging his backpack around was starting to get old. His best bet would be to shrink the bag and just stick it in his shoes.

“I wrote some things down for the party, so all we really need to do is invite people, I guess,” she chewed her bottom lip. “I would have liked to have the party at the Ravenclaw Tower because it’s spacious, but not everyone can get in, so,” she shrugged her shoulders and handed the parchment to Arthur.

“You can just sneak us all in,” he replied, smiling at the girl. She sent him an amused smile, an expression that conveyed she thought he was misbehaving. Which he definitely was.

Her face suddenly turned soft, as she pondered something else. “Hey, Arthur,” she said gently, in much the same way as one would approach a shy filly. “You know it’s okay, right? Merlin...,” she said, hesitatingly. Gwen knew it was a sensitive topic that Arthur didn’t like touching, and it was a testament to their friendship.

Arthur’s shoulders slumped, all humour spilling out of him in an instant. “I can’t, Gwen,” he said, voice hoarse and almost dragging. “My father…” He stopped, and swallowed hard, before continuing. “He would hate me,” he said, finally, eyes wide and lacking the Gryffindor’s usually cocky nature. 

There was a lot in that moment that Gwen wanted to say, but instead she found herself reaching for her friend instead, and simply pulled him into a hug.

*

It was perhaps the most stressful thing Arthur had ever done - getting the party sorted while also trying to keep the secret from Merlin. The Gryffindor was claiming it as a test of his character, proving how strong he was. He would have to ask Merlin about it later; he could almost see his Slytherin friend slowly rolling his eyes at the words.

Two days was all he needed to get everything arranged and invite all the guests, and he had successfully managed to run into Merlin several times. It was just as well, he figured, because he didn’t want his best friend to think he was avoiding him. 

The very thought made Arthur’s heart beat just a little faster.

“Arthur, you look flustered,” came a voice from behind him. He turned around to see an amused Merlin looking at him, backpack casually slung over one shoulder. His robes looked like they’d been ruffled about in a storm, and Arthur had the most peculiar urge to pull them straight. He balled his hands into fists to keep from acting out his fantasies.

“You look like you were tossed around in a hurricane,” he replied, doing his best to match the amusement on Merlin’s face. Arthur had been heading towards the Room of Requirement, where they had been keeping all the party favours. “Did you at least punch it back?” He asked, gesturing towards the Slytherin’s fists.

“No, mate,” came the lazy reply. “I leave that up to you.” He grinned, bright, and really, Arthur needed to leave before he blurted the whole truth at him and ruined the surprise. He had never been too good at keeping secrets, especially not from Merlin. 

It was no wonder Merlin could clearly see the stress on his face, what with tension slowly racing through his veins.

“Uh, yeah,” Arthur finally said, snapping himself out of his stupor. “Just, Quidditch, you know?” He made a vague gesture behind him, indicating nothing and everything both at the same time. Merlin gave a slow nod, nervousness edging onto his face, like he knew Arthur was hiding something from him.

Quickly excusing himself with something about practice and unfinished homework, Arthur made his way away from Merlin. This party really couldn’t come soon enough.

*

“Arthur,” said an exasperated Gwen, as Morgana laughed in the background. Neither of them were sympathetic with his situation. “Everything’s set and looking good,” Gwen raised an eyebrow at him, finally losing patience at his dramatics. He figured he wouldn’t be getting a pat on the back after this, even though he was fidgeting worse than he had when he was nine years old.

The Gryffindor knew everything would come off without a hitch - after all, Gwen and Morgana had been the main forces behind the scenes, with Elyan racing around, doing whatever he could help with. Lancelot, on the other hand, had just lounged around and ate all their food.

The party would officially be taking off in two hours, and Arthur had been given the job of bringing Merlin on time. The thought was making him jittery, and he found himself wringing his hands as he waited for time to slowly pass. Arthur didn’t know why this whole affair was making him so anxious - he just wanted everything to be perfect for Merlin.

He wandered off as soon as the clock told him it was time to go. After all, he needed the time to find Merlin in the first place, even though he somehow always knew just where to find him. Arthur tried not to dwell too much on that.

Merlin was lounging on one of the benches situated directly outside the Library. He was frowning deeply at a piece of parchment in his hand, while tapping out a rhythm on his knee at the same time. Arthur knew he had dressed for the day in a rush, but he found himself stopping for a minute and simply staring at the Slytherin. 

He looked far more elegant than anyone had any right to be with worry lines marring his face.

“Merlin,” the Gryffindor said, softly, as he approached the bench, hoping to catch the other boy’s attention without startling him. He seemed to have heard him, as Merlin looked up and a smile spread across his face. “Arthur, I was gonna come looking for you,” he said, waving the parchment at him. “I got a letter from Ma,” he said. “She seems really worried - thinks I might catch an illness or something,” he rolled his eyes, pocketing the letter and getting to his feet. “I dunno when I’ll see her again, frankly, and it sucks,” he frowned at his feet, and it only took half a second for Arthur’s resolve to finally dissolve.

He had it counted; fingers ticking of each hand of the clock. Arthur’s resolve had never been that strong when it came to the Slytherin, anyways.

Moving an inch forward, his hand landed on Merlin’s cheek, caressing, as he pulled him closer. Arthur took a heavy breath and found Merlin’s lips without seeing. It was like coming home in a way he had never experienced before. Arthur couldn’t believe he had been so afraid of this.

After a short second of surprise, Merlin replied in kind, and gripped the back of Arthur’s head, holding on tight. It seemed like the Slytherin was scared of opening his eyes and seeing the moment vanish into thin air. He held on tighter as the kiss finally slowed down, and the two boys pulled apart.

“Wow,” said Merlin, after he had finally caught his breath. They were still standing close, foreheads resting together. “What took you so long?” He was whispering now, afraid to break the moment and go hurtling back to reality.

The words sparked something in Arthur, and he hastily pulled away. “Um,” he started, before stopping and looking at Merlin’s wary face. “There’s something I need to show you,” he said, finally, mumbling ever so slightly. Gesturing at the Slytherin to follow him, he set off towards the Room of Requirement - it had seemed like less hassle to simply have the party there.

He didn’t miss the furtive glances Merlin was throwing his way, either.

It didn’t take long for him to visualise the room he wanted to enter, and a door materialised in front of him. Opening it slowly, Arthur wished he could give their friends some warning, but he figured they were professionals in this, at least. Two seconds later, he found out he had been right: as soon as the pair entered the room, several people moved forward and yelled “SURPRISE!”

It caught Merlin by surprise, which could be ascertained by his expression, but Arthur felt him get tense before visibly relaxing next to him. He was grinning, and it helped unwind the tense cords of Arthur’s muscles. “Thank you, everyone,” Merlin said, softly, peering around the room, making sure to catch each person in the eye.

“You should be thanking this one here,” Gwen said in reply, gesturing towards Arthur. “He’s been putting all of this together ever since you got the news.” She smirked at Arthur, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. He really needed some new friends.

Merlin turned to him now, a soft smile flitting over his lips. “Is that true, Pendragon?” He asked, an eyebrow raised. When he received a small nod from Arthur as confirmation, the smile grew wider. He made a slow move to grab Arthur’s hand, still unsure but wanting to give the Gryffindor some space. In response, Arthur shifted slightly, and slung an arm across Merlin’s shoulders. It was answer enough, and for now, Merlin was content.


End file.
